Samantha Sparrow

Jeff is back from Afghanistan and I'm looking for tickets to go up and meet him. It's going to be both ridiculous and horribly nerve racking, but I have something to keep my mind off of it. I bought a kitten at the pound and she's the cutest little thing. I'll be excited to put up some pictures of her and hopefully be able to figure out a name.

I pick her up tomorrow from the vet, because she's getting her tubes tied :( Sad times for Miss Kitten. However, good times for me, because I'll have a new fried in my new home. That's right... I moved... again. My poor bed has seen more new homes than any classy hooker I know. Then again.. I only know a handful.

This is Jeff. I'm a fan:


Wish me luck <3

Things have been a lot easier now. I decided to stop helping with my grandma and will just work full time and help pay for a caregiver. This will take off a lot of stress and I'll actually be getting enough money to pull myself out of debt. Zomg, how I love teh planning.

Plus, I think I need human interaction with other people outside of school and my family. Having a job where I'll be able to just be a worker bee sounds appealing.

Though.. I do have a lot of fun with my family.

I've been taking care of my grandma every day for 2 months now and have seen her through several different episodes where her heart has failed. I know she's old, but I hardly think I'm experienced enough to keep doing this without having a bit of a break down. It's not that I'm clinging to a false hope that she may survive. I've come to terms with the fact that people die a long time ago. It's seeing my pillar of strength (my mom) break down into a fucking cluster fuck of emotions while my grandma dies.

I bring this up, because her heart stopped again today. All I hear is my mom and little sister yelling for me in the living room. I run in there and my grandma is being held up by my mom who is trying to give her a soft landing on the ground. She's shaking oddly. I freeze for a good half a second and run to the phone to call 911. Check. I run back to my mom who is giving my grandma CPR. I tell her to stop and I take over. During pumps I'm telling her to collect the medication sheet and her ID. She just stands there in a bit of a shock. Finally the fire department come in and get her breathing on her own again. Giving me time to get all of her information in order.

She's in the hospital now and I think she's going to be just fine. However, I've been sick lately. Hurting so bad that I end up crying during one of my own 'episodes'. My stomach feels like it's about to burst and when I feel around in the primary spot I can feel 3 grape sized balls and can pop back into my stomach if I push hard enough. Well, shit. Of course (being a cancer survivor) I think of all the dangerous, high dose chemotherapies I've had. Secondary cancer? That's all I need. I'm a bit busy now.

So I go in to check and see what's up and they can find nothing. I have to wait for surgery in a few weeks. Fuck that. Oh, and they decide to tell me with the types of chemo that I had and having ovarian cancer and all... I might be infertile, go through early menopause around my early 30's or late 20's, or have mutated eggs. Since I only have 1 ovary I already have half as many eggs as the average girl. So they tell me to think about having a kid if I wanted one in the future. Well... fuck.

Now my parents are asking me if I want a donor. That they would pay for it and pay for my schooling and all my expenses for 10 years (from when hypothetical baby is born). I... am... a bit... stressed. Honestly, I want this, but I know I'm not ready for it. Not in the least.

Better picture. Horrible hair.

6 hours of work in one sitting and it's everything I wanted <3

This video (though incredibly depressing) is the reason I love vimeo.

"The old home movies are all I have now to take me away from all of this. I wasn't always alone, there are so many things I long for: friendship, love, adventure. To smell the grass and see the stars. I wasn't always alone. But as long as I belong to someone none of that can belong to me. I feel isolated, disconnected, separated, I have to be more than just my components. I wasn't always alone. I get the feeling the planes know something I don't. I long to sore. i want to travel to the horizon in fact, out run the morning. My wires are worn and my sides are beaten. One day I'll rust. I wasn't always alone."

Coolest thing I've seen today, but it's only an hour and a half into a new day. Sure, some parts make me nauseated. However, I can admit with something is amazingly awesome. This? This is one of them.

After watching the last Totally Rad Show I can't help but giggle at the new term for "shooting blanks". I hope to one day be able to use "water bullets" in a complete sentence without having to refer to what it actually is.

"Water bullets are surprisingly sticky and taste of vinegar!" That might have went too far.

I week ago I went in for my tattoo consultation and the piercer was bored. She decided that I needed a piercing, free of charge. I'm so excited for my tattoo I want to scream. June 7th is the date and I keep having these mini anxiety attacks. 5 hours in the chair isn't that bad, now is it?



It should be noted that I can't work a web cam.

I was volunteered to do Walk for Life with a friend and she felt the need to not tell me what it actually is. Now I have to think of a way to tell her I wont be able to do it, based on my beliefs. I'm pro-abortion, so sue me. 

Video of Awkward.

I made a video for this guy that I've been talking to for 3 years now. He has been deployed and that leaves me bored and restless. Sometimes I think I'm over doing it and I probably am. I tend to not think things through. Work on impulse. Eat ice cream in vast amounts. Yet I can't find the time or the need to apologize for making these messages that seem to make his day.

What can I say? I'm stubborn.

I was addicted to LJ a few years back, but drama and an addiction to World of Warcraft made me end my subscription to my other name. Now, I'm just going to try this again and see if I can remember the basics of online etiquette without saying "fag", "noob", "douche", or "niggerfaggot". Right about now I wish I didn't lose my camera, but I think that's motivation enough for me to actually want to get a job and maybe have some self discipline (just a smidge).